Oh hello. You haven’t heard from me in a little while. In all honesty, I’ve been a little distracted.
I started this newsletter for my “creative” writing, as an outlet for writing things not related to my day job in advertising. But, as I should’ve known from the fact that I’m currently doing a photo-a-day photography project, my creative inclinations don’t always come in word form. In fact, I’m spreading myself a little thin (maybe thick?) by working on a number of different things “for fun.”
For many years, I thought of myself as a “writer.” Back in university and shortly after when I moved to Montreal, I had grand visions of becoming An Important Writer™. The problem was, I didn’t know what kind of writer I wanted to be. Would I write fiction? Maybe personal essays? Could I hack it at VICE? What about an arts journalist? I have tried doing all of these things, in varying forms, without ever committing to any of them.
My first and only submission to McSweeney’s was (kindly) rejected, so clearly I could never be a humorist. The article I was commissioned to write for VICE was never published, so snark journalism was out. I wrote 80 pages of a novel as part of the Three Day Novel Contest, got constructive feedback from an author friend, and never opened it again. (That was 12 years ago.) I performed stand up off-and-on for five years, but gave up when I wasn’t immediately offered a Netflix special. I have a Google doc that allegedly contains the workings of a personal essay collection, but I’m too afraid to dive into the work of actually make it a thing. This newsletter isn’t even my first blogging attempt, it’s my fifth.
I always move onto the next project. (My latest is an extremely niche podcast about cycling fashion. Please listen.)
I’m trying not to move on from this one. I like having the freedom of writing about whatever I want, whenever I remember to. Even if it’s about how I’ve forgotten lately.
I used to think having so many unrealized creative ideas/projects made me lazy, bad, or simply not creative. But now I’m realizing that I get paid to be creative in my day job. When I’m making stuff I want to make, it’s a lot easier to give up. So I either need to start paying myself if I want to finish some of the bigger projects I’ve started over the years, or I should just accept that I have a lot of interests and a lot of ideas and not all of them need to be resolved. Or maybe deep down I know finishing some of my unfinished works should stay that way, because otherwise I might have to face the anxiety inducing reality of putting so much of myself out into the world.
At least I can finish this newsletter.
—Pro-Haas-tination